Ever The Same
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: She thought she was fine leaving Seattle, but it took him visiting to realize that she truly was. Addex oneshot.


**Author's Note: To be honest, I have no idea why I wrote this. I have fics going, multi-chapter ones that are in major need of being finished. Still, I've been in a mood lately, and this Addex shot is what became of it. I know it's kind of sappy, but please bare with me. And yeah, leave a review, please. It helps so much!**

**Disclaimer: Despite slowly getting over the fact that Addison and Alex won't be together, and kind of getting used to Addison/Pete, I'm still an Addex shipper. So needless to say, I own nothing. :(**

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The rain fell softly against the sand, mocking the way she felt at the moment. Addison pushed a strand of hair out of her face before looking at the man who sat next to her. She studied the look on his face; wished so hard she knew how to read his mind. Three months before, she thought she was content in leaving Seattle behind. That was, until a piece of it followed her. "Why did you come here?"

A laugh came from his direction as he stared out at the fading Los Angeles skyline. Shoving a weed with his shoe, Alex shrugged. He let out an exhausted sigh, not looking at her. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"Addison asked, fear laced in her voice. She knew he was there for her; that much was evident.

Alex wiped the drops of rain away that had fallen against his face. "I needed a break."

"So of all places, you came to find me?"Addison laughed. She fought back the urge to cry, though she was confused as to why. Wrapping her arms tightly around her legs, she looked over at him as they sat on her back step.

"I didn't know where else to go."Alex answered simply, still refusing to look at her. The miles he'd flown just to get to her gave him the time he'd needed to clear his head. Sitting with her though, Alex was at a loss to say anything.

Addison nodded, closing her eyes. "How's Seattle Grace?"

Alex bit back what would have been a sarcastic answer, because in reality he felt horrible. Showing up in Los Angeles, expecting Addison to just welcome him despite everything he'd said-Alex realized then how empty those hopes were. "Hectic. The uh, the new attendings...they're something else."

"Attendings?"Addison asked, referencing to his plural use of the word.

"Burke left. About the same time you did, actually."Alex replied simply. He watched as she bit her lip, trying in vein to keep control.

She'd meant to keep in contact. In fact, just before she left, Addison swore to Callie she'd call at least once a week. But between cases at the wellness center, and arranging furniture in her house, Addison lost track of time. "Wow. How is everyone adjusting?"

Alex shrugged, trying to pretend like it was nothing. "Hahn's the new Burke, and the new Neonatal..."He trailed off, finally turning his head to look at her. "You left a recommendation for me."

"I did."Addison replied, feeling his gaze burning into her. She turned her head toward him, locking eyes for the first time since she'd opened to door to find him standing there. "You're a great doctor."

"So are you."Alex deadpanned. When he saw a look of shock spread across her face, he immediately felt a wave of guilt for everything he'd said before. "Addison..."Alex said, his voice cracking. "What I said before-"

"Don't."Addison replied, stiffening as they sat on the steps. She waited a minute before speaking again. "We're through with that. I work at Oceanside Wellness Center, you...are a resident at Seattle Grace. It's fine."

"No, it's not."Alex said, shaking his head. He sighed, leaning his arms against his legs. "That wasn't me. What I said to you, it was stupid. Yeah, I'm not the right guy. But you're the right woman. Just...not for me."He replied sadly. He stared down at the ground, heaving out a heavy sigh.

Addison bit her lip, shaking back and forth slightly to avoid crying. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to have the conversation she knew they needed to have, and get back to life. But as she felt the slight mist that they both wanted to ignore, Addison felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "How did you find me?"She asked finally, at a loss to say anything else.

Alex shrugged, not knowing if she should tell her. "I found you."

"That much was obvious."Addison said sarcastically. "Sorry, it's just...it's a little hard to take in."She said, drawing in a sharp breath.

"Chief."Alex said, a hint of a smile in his eyes. "I said I wanted a break, and what with everything going on at Seattle Grace, I wanted to ask you a couple things. He...kind of told me where to find you."

Addison laughed a little, digging her toes into the moist sand. "I don't know what to say."

Alex nodded, wanting to badly to just reach out and touch her. To hold her and let her know that he was there, that he felt horrible. "I don't expect you to say anything."

"Then why are you here?"Addison asked, her voice suddenly growing louder. "What did you expect from coming here, Alex? Did you just want to see me?...Was there anything specific you wanted? Because otherwise..."

"I don't know."Alex replied stubbornly. "I don't know what I want."

Knowing he meant more than just seeing her, Addison again felt tears filter into her eyes. "Neither do I."She whispered harshly. "I'm happy. At work with Naomi, and Violet. And Pete..."She sighed with a hint of a smile. "But I still miss Seattle."

"I still miss you."Alex blurted, not realizing he'd actually said it until he saw Addison's eyes staring back at him. "What?"

Addison's lips quivered, tears pooling at her lids. "I know that at this point it probably doesn't make sense, but I feel the same, Karev."

Alex laughed softly at Addison using his last name, knowing she'd said it to lighten the moment. "You mean my risky judgment calls?"

"No, those...I could live without."Addison said, settling back on the step. "So you stayed in Neo-Natal?"She asked, her voice sounding hopeful.

"I stayed in Neo-Natal."Alex replied, matter of factly.

"How's the new attending?"Addison asked, feeling the need to pick up a lighter subject.

"She's..."Alex trailed off, searching to find the right word. "Curt, concise. She lives completely by the rules. She's completely afraid to take chances on risky cases."

"So, what you're saying is..."

"She's not you."Alex said, staring directly at her. He watched as she shook from the cold, and was surprised himself how much the temperature had changed. He moved a little closer, covering her with his jacket. He smiled a little, hoping it at least made her feel a little better. "That's a good thing, you know."

"That I'm not there making your life miserable?"Addison asked, trying to wipe a tear away without him noticing.

"I got used to that, actually."Alex said, sighing. "It wasn't miserable. You taught me a lot of things, Addison. I don't regret that."

Addison studied the deep, concentrated look in Alex's brown eyes, thinking of how much it felt like he was staring straight into her. She felt as if everything else had been stripped away. The distance, the scenery, everything melted away as she felt his lips meet hers, longingly searching for something. She felt his hands wound up in her hair as his tongue darted in and out of her mouth. Lost in the sensation, lost in what she was feeling, Addison brought her hands to his neck. She let out a moan, trying to hard to stay strong, but finding herself give in effortlessly.

Alex was relieved as he felt Addison's arms wrap around his neck. He felt her lips crash against his, a light sound escaping her. Her tongue wound around his, hungrily trying to convey a feeling that could never be put into words. Her tapered fingers traced the nape of his neck, leaving watery trails from the mist that had since stopped. A need for oxygen invaded his fogged thoughts, and pulling back slowly, Alex planted a soft kiss against Addison's lips.

Her eyes remaining shut, Addison tried to come to terms with what had just happened between them. Everything they wanted to say, everything they couldn't say was wrapped up in a lasting kiss. She opened her eyes as she felt oxygen insult her lungs. When she saw Alex staring back at her, she knew that it was time. As much as she wanted him to stay, she knew she wouldn't be able to bare it if he left once he stayed. Her hand firm against his cheek, Addison offered a sad smile. "You've got my number?"

Alex nodded, clearing his throat. "Yeah, I've got your number."

"So..."Addison said as they stood. She turned toward him, relieved to find that there was no tension there. He was leaving, and she didn't know if she'd ever see him again. Strangely though, she felt happier than she had in a long time. "I guess I'll see you around some time."


End file.
